Are you afraid of the dark?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, talented, fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God.Your playing small does not serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other people won't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine, as children do.We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciouslygive other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."

- Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love)


This summer I am working as a tour guide at Scotia’s very own Happy Jack Peak and Chalk Mine. Before opening day we had to do some cleaning and while walking through the dark tunnels, I asked myself why I chose to spend my summer at such a terrifying place. Yes, I admit, I’m afraid of the dark, scare easily, and am quite jumpy. I keep telling myself this will only help prepare me for situations that call for bravery. Some of you may think, going to Belize for two years is brave, but instead it takes courage. I believe this because bravery would not be on my list of top strengths, which may seem confusing. How can a person be afraid but have courage? The answer lies within the Spirit.
Being afraid of the dark taps into one of my deeper fears, the fear of the unknown. I would love to meet someone who truly embraced not knowing, but it’s this fear that drives my curiosity, which gives me courage, so I guess I can say I’m curiously courageous, but back to the unknown because sitting next to my fear of the unknown is my fear of being forgotten. Again, this is hard to explain, but I know it exists from the uneasiness I have felt lately. I had a very hard time coming back to my hometown and working at my old high school after 3 ½ years of being in Lincoln. Maybe it shouldn’t matter so much if people remember me or not, but I know I feel special when they do and a little hurt when they don’t. Luckily, amazing people who remember even the little things like catching fireflies surround me. So, the reason I felt the need to write about this on a blog about my Peace Corps adventure would be it’s true. It’s not only scary to move to another country because it’s another country far away; it’s also scary thinking what will change by the time I come back. I know I’ll come back changed, but my family and friends won’t be the same either.